There’s a scene in the movie, Pride and Prejudice (you know the Keira Knightly 2005 version, not the Colin Firth version), where Liz Bennett is spinning on a swing that separates her family’s courtyard from the outside world. She just spins and spins, round and round, as the courtyard scene changes seasons…from winter to spring, from snowy and cold to rainy to sunny. While time passes by, Lizzy seems to remain the same, watching the scenes change, letting time progress, life moves on, but Lizzy is stuck.
For me, this scene was such a powerful metaphor of the plateaus I’ve felt in my own life. Just as Lizzy was caught in a time loop, there are times where I’ve felt as if I was standing still, letting life pass me by, doing the same things I had previously done over and over….but expecting different results. Well, as we have often heard, this is the definition of insanity. Yet so many of us live our lives in this way. Once I realized this was where I was standing, I decided to take a stand.
Now don’t get me wrong, I think it is important to have a sense of consistency in your everyday movements. This rhythm is what helps us with the dance of life. If we learn the steps, we can navigate many things more successfully, and it may even help us with life’s more difficult challenges. But what happens when you learn the steps, and you fall into a state of repetitive action for so long that that the one dance you’ve learned becomes the only thing you do? To me, this is what a plateau is. It means you’re not elevating yourself to your highest potential. But how do you get out of this rut?
1. Recognize the rut. This is actually easier said than done, because if you don’t know things need to change, you wouldn’t look to change. When you are so used to doing the same thing you’ve done, how do you even recognize that you are stuck? Reading content, like my blog, is a good place to start. It will help you to begin to explore whether you are happy with the current situation you are in. You can also talk to people closest to you get a sense for what they’re thinking about your current state. These ‘informal interviews’ and moments of self-reflection will help increase your awareness of your situation. It will help shape your focus as you make decisions about areas of your life you want to change.
2. Make a list. When you’re in a rut in one area of your life, chances are, you’re in a rut in multiple areas. It will be important to list the areas of your life that you feel are at a stand-still. Key areas of focus could be:
a. Career/Finances: Do you do the same things at work every day? If your role hasn’t evolved, you are not making much more money than you made 5-10 years ago, you haven’t taken on new responsibilities, chances are you are in a rut.
b. Family/loved one(s): Does your family routine seem to be stuck in the same pattern? Are there any variations between day to day or even week to week actions on your end? If the answer is ‘no’ or ‘not really’, you and your family/loved one(s) are probably stuck in a holding pattern that could use a bit of a jumpstart.
c. Home: Have you had the same stuff for years? Do you ever purge or donate items in your home or are you holding on to them for keepsake? If things in your house are collecting dust, or have gone out of style (like that VCR from circa early 1990’s), it’s time to reevaluate.
d. Education: Learning is an essential area of growth and truly helps you get out of ruts. Have you taken a new class or read a new book lately? There is a saying I used to teach my students—If you don’t think, your brain will shrink. It’s actually a physiological fact (former science teacher here). We must continue to use and challenge our brain cells to build new connections or we will actually have challenges later on in life with memory loss.
e. Nutrition and Fitness: When was the last time you worked out or reassessed your eating habits? No—running to the kitchen cabinets to grab a bag of potato chips does not count! Like your brain cells, your muscles will also start to weaken, if you don’t use them or if you misuse them. While these last two areas suggest less of a plateau in your life, and more of a decline, they both tend to happen slowly, over time. And we don’t recognize the decline, because we’re stuck in what appears to be a plateau for so long, that by the time we do notice the decline, it’s sometimes too late!
What other areas of your life could use a jolt of new energy?
Be sure to add this to your list.
3. Prioritize your list. Often, when we get excited about change, we want to take it all on at once. The problem with this is that you get overwhelmed very quickly and instead of seeing lasting change in some areas, you end up giving up on everything.
a. Which of the key areas in your list are most important for you to change first? Why? Understanding why some areas are more important than others will help you target your efforts better. It may be that you want to start off with something you think is easy and then work your way to the more difficult things. In finance, this is often referred to as the ‘snowball effect’. Or maybe you want to focus on the more difficult area first and pound away at it until you’ve made significant accomplishment, before focusing on the next toughest area. This is an example of the ‘avalanche effect’
b. What are 3-5 actions you can take to focus on change in that one area? To start seeing progress in your key areas, it is important to break them down into meaningful and actionable steps. For example, if changing your career is a top priority for you, maybe 3 actions you could take would be to (i.) update your resume, (ii.) expand your network, and (iii.) start looking for other jobs.
I tend to hang my most important lists on a bulletin board or write them on a white board to remind me that these actions are of utmost importance. And I LOVE crossing things off when I complete an action item. It may even help you to sub-categorize your action items into smaller, more bite-size tasks. So, if updating your resume seems too much to do at one time, maybe you break it down into updating one section at a time.
4. Be mindful of the time. It is important to be aware of how long things can take to make change happen. I often set a timer. I will work on one particular task until the timer goes off. I then take a break and then repeat until the task is complete. This helps me stay focused, without feeling overwhelmed. And I’ve protected this time so that no other distractions take precedence. If you set aside time in your schedule to work on your action-list and you are intentional about completing these actions and tasks, you will be able to cross items off of your list and it will feel so rewarding!
5. Seek out an accountability partner. Most people need someone to check in on us, occasionally. I find it helps to have someone to hold my feet to the fire, so to speak.
a. Get a therapist, coach, or a mentor.
- I find that therapy is one of the best things you can do to peel back the layers of the ‘why’. The right therapist can help you understand the reasons you are stuck in the rut you are in, what caused it, and how to get unstuck. This would likely decrease the risk of engaging in the same behaviors that put you in the rut you are in, in the first place.
- In recent years, coaching has become a very popular field. Though results vary, and like therapy, this can be expensive. Finding someone who is good at what they do, and can get you moving, may be worth the investment. So, you really want to do your research and examine their credentials, if you decide to go down this path.
- Mentors tend to be more on the ‘$free99’ side of life, but you want to be careful with who you place in this role. Some folks may have the best intentions in mind, but may not be able to give you the type of guidance that you need. Finding someone who has already gone through what you’re going through, AND who has successfully navigated that route, may bring you key insights. These individuals can serve as great sources for many of the granular questions you have as you go through your journey. They likely have had some of the same questions at one point in time, and if they figured it out then, they may share the answers with you now.
b. Find a friend. Is there someone in your ‘community’ who could also benefit from a change in his/her life? Maybe you could share best practices. Please keep in mind that the term ‘community’ could be anything from your neighborhood, to your religious or educational institution, to your online friend list, and more.
c. Talk and trust. As you are searching for the best accountability partner(s), keep in mind that trust should be earned and not just given. Talking to others about your problems, issues, and challenges must be done with individuals who have your best interest at heart. If you do not create and define a safe space for yourself to share your thoughts with others, you run the risk of being disappointed or taken advantage of. This could easily derail your journey beyond the plateau you find yourself in.
Key Takeaways
Elevating yourself to higher levels is a journey. There may be times when you feel it is too difficult to do, you just want to give up, or it’s just not worth the effort. But please keep in mind that YOU ARE WORTH THE EFFORT. Anyone who tells (or shows) you otherwise, has ulterior motives.
The Chinese philosopher, Lao Tzu, once said “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” Get excited about this next step in your life. You are creating your own life story and the more you invest in its development, the greater the reward will be for you and your family.
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Disclaimer: The content of this blog and website is the sole opinion of the author and is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute legal, medical, financial, or other professional advice. Always seek counsel from a professional for these matters if you have questions or concerns regarding your specific circumstances.
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