What's on your mind these days?
All too often, many of us give into the idea that we are not good enough for something. We talk ourselves out of our own greatness and it keeps us from excelling to higher levels or achieving the things we want in life. These conversations live in our thoughts, as negative self-talk, existing as little secrets to the world, but manifesting poor results.
Does this sound familiar to you?
- I’m not going to apply to that job because I’m not qualified. They probably won’t hire me anyway.
- It’s pointless to reach out for help from people who don’t know me. Why would they want to talk to me in the first place?
- There are no good men/women out there. I’m never going to find someone who loves me.
- No one will be interested in my idea/what I create/what I’m selling.
- I’m not a good enough _____ (parent, lover, friend, employee, student)- you fill in the blank.
Comments like these are disparaging and cruel. This can affect both our personal and professional growth and happiness. Many of us are so used to hearing this from colleagues, friends, and/or family, that it becomes our own internal monologue, as well. The thing is—it’s more than likely untrue.
Don’t let negative talk live in your head rent-free.
Negative internal conversations limit our potential and keep us in the secretarial roles when we have the capabilities and desire to be the boss. It has us second-guessing our instinctive decisions to the point where we secretly loathe ourselves, chipping away at our self-esteem and downgrading our creative juices.
According to a study conducted by the National Science Foundation, the average person can have between 9,600 and 48,000 negative thoughts daily. While we may not be able to combat these external influences from others, we can combat the internal ones.
Here’s 5 ways to change your inner monologue so that secret villain in you becomes your secret super hero:
1. Calling all affirmations: I LOVE AFFIRMATIONS!! They are like answering every question you think about yourself with something uplifting in a definitive way…as if it already happened.
- Am I smart and capable? Affirmation: I am so smart; I am the boss!
- Am I going to go far in life? Affirmation: I am successful, a great leader, and prosperous!
With affirmations you can get as specific as you want and, in my opinion, the more specific you are, the better. When you are clear about your intentions, you can be clear about your direction.
It was the great civil rights activist, Jesse Jackson, who said “If my mind can conceive it, and my heart can believe it, I know I can achieve it.” Well- affirmations help you move down this pathway of greatness.
“If my mind can conceive it, and my heart can believe it, I know I can achieve it.”
I challenge you to think of 2-3 affirmations that you want to own and post them EVERYWHERE…your wall, your mirror, your phone screensaver. The more you see it, the more you’re inclined to say it. The more you say it, the better you’ll internalize it. You will slowly but surely feel the affirmations taking up the internal real estate in your mind once populated by negative self-talk and doubt.
2. Free fall- just do it! Have you ever put your foot into a pool to check to see if the water was too cold or too hot? Some people would just jump in. It’s when you take that leap, that you let go of anything holding you back. And the thing that holds many of us back is our negative self-talk.
Sometimes you have to just jump into the water and know you’re going to be alright…now I’m not advocating for the non-swimmer (like myself) to jump into the deep end. No one needs to drown, but in all honesty, life is full of metaphorical pools. Maybe you jump onto a dance floor first at a party that everyone is too scared to start dancing at. Or maybe you go for it on the first kiss with a person you really like.
Everyone’s ‘pool’ is going to be different. The point is to just try to do something that pushes you beyond your risk tolerance and you may just find that your internal conversations will shift from “I can’t do it.” to “I think I can.” to “I already did it, now what’s next?”
3. Seek out smiles: Misery loves company and it lives in Grumpville along with its residents, aka the Grumpers. Once you get sucked into the Grumpyville vortex, it’s hard to get out of it. This will increase your exposure to negative words, phrases, conversations and makes it much easier to start internalizing these ideas.
Sometimes it’s hard to identify it, but there are Grumpers 
who will even try to pass these disparaging comments off as jokes. Well, once you recognize it for what it really is, you’ll understand it is more harmful than humorous. Grumpers are often the bullies of the world- even if the only ones they’re bullying are themselves. At the first signs of these soul-piercing daggers from others, run like the wind!
Instead find the people who are smile, laugh, and enjoy life as much as possible. These are Happy Campers—the ones who will always see the glass as half full or more, even during trying times. Once you start connecting with the Happy Campers, you will find any negative internal dialogue you’ve been harboring quickly replaced with happy thoughts and words to live by.
4. Bubble of protection: Another way to combat negative self-talk is by surrounding yourself with good vibes. We all have bad days, but if you find that negative self-talk welling up inside, try tapping into those creative juices.
I’m a big fan of meditating and deep breathing-it helps calm my mind and when I’m in a good rhythm, I find my thinking is much more positive. I also like listening to certain songs or watching a funny movie to shift my thinking. For some people it’s painting, while others find dancing to do the trick.
In fact, active physical activity can release endorphins, improve your mood, and shift your thinking from negative to positive. It might also tone you up a bit too!
5. Perfection be gone! Social media and advertisements are not a depiction of real life. They are designed to tell you the story they want you to know rather than the earthy grainy truth.
The filter setting on smart phones can make you look completely different. According to a research study by Dove, “4 out of 5 girls said they compare the way they look to other people on social media…posting the ‘perfect selfie’ can feel like an obligation rather than a bit of fun.” What stress!
The need to appear perfect is riddled with negative self-talk. While we should all try to be the best that we can be, no one can ever be ‘perfect’—in fact, I don’t even believe in the concept of the perfect person. And if people could be perfect, we would have such serious societal discrepancies beyond what already exists today.
Letting go of the need for perfection is actually empowering. It enables you to live in your own truth. For the next selfie you post, why not turn off the filters and let the real you shine through?
Key Takeaways
Have you told yourself that your amazing lately? Well- if not- please take a second to do so. We are mentally bombarded with negative self-talk reflective of external influences and our own internal challenges. But we do not have to let it rule us!
Like an insidious disease, negative self-talk can get in the way of our greatness. But if you can become adept at shifting your thinking, especially during the most difficult moments, you will find your perceptions may just change your outcomes—in a positive way.
My challenge to you is once you master this skill—pay it forward. Become the Happy Camper I know you were always meant to be!
Disclaimer: The content of this blog and website is the sole opinion of the author and is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute legal, medical, financial, or other professional advice. Always seek counsel from a professional for these matters if you have questions or concerns regarding your specific circumstances.
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Absolutely fantastic advise. Think of being surrounded by a bubble of positivity, love, strength, & protection. Call it Destiny. Then if and when something doesn’t go your way, know that that too needs to happen to make way for an even more positive future. PEACE!